Sunday, September 26
if you are 1 of those whom i ignored ur calls, you should know why i didn't pick up your call.
it took me quite sometime to think how to write this entry. o.0
i tot of it. i didn't know what i want, what life i want.
no matter how hard i tried to change my life, it's always back to square one.
a life which i don't really like.
my life sucks.
if you ask me, i'll probably be jealous of a lot of people.
i'll be jealous of people who have their own gang.
i'll be jealous of people who lived near each other.
blah blah blah. the list never goes on...
basically i didn't pick up any calls today from ajs. my mind is in a whirl. i needed to cool down.
one friend called. her friend committed suicide. she needed money badly. i couldn't help her but to lend her $100. however, i had 2nd thoughts first. i was once tricked into lending some cash to a friend but he never returned. so at first i was reluctant to pass her the bucks. she sounded quite serious so i tried to give it a shot at DBS internet banking. but the system doesn't let me in because i haven't updated my funds transfer message or something... it's because i haven't been logging in for certain period of time. so i rang up and told her i couldn't lend her the money. she sounded pretty disappointed. i really had no choice. moreover, my mood is not good. hence i saved up the explanation. =( she must be thinking, "what a good friend!"
today i continued my Sim City 4, however, my mood affects the game. so there wasn't any improvement to my structure. =\ I did 2 tutorials (yeah~ accomplishment for today) but i wasn't content. i've got a corrosion science test coming up on this tuesday. bleahz... guessed i was quite lazy to pick up the lecture notes to mug.
the rest of the day was spent with the family, in the house. TV, gaming, homework. tat's how my sunday is.
actually, you know something? i hate gossips. and i hate untrue statements. maybe its karma i dun care. but i'm warning you. when i say i'm angry means i'm angry, even though i put it up with a smile. so dunch try me.
i did lots of thinking when i was avoiding many people. maybe i should go solo. or perhaps go str8?
it's a tough journey. i made it so far, and if i'm turning back, it's pretty difficult.
i know i'm quite neutral in all parties (be it some aj groups, school gang, buddhist realm, radio people), but i believe i'm begining to destroy all these. i dunno why, but i sensed i'm destroying the trust in everyone. i dunno why i'm doing that. perhaps i'm a sadist.
i think i need a counseller. i'm going insane soon.
